Cotton dress

She does like a good girl should
She doesn’t drink at the town well
She just watches the boys pass by
Filled with aching want for the heartaches yet to come
Each heartbeat sending waves across her skin
And she falls apart but does so with carefully
Desire explodes inside her chest
A blood red carnation flower
She’s crimson satin, she’s impure
Her lips are not strangers to the taste of temptations yielded to
In the grass covered in midnight dew
On a black night, chastity crumbles
She lets it happen, lets them take her apart right there
And the way home is solitary
But the fields know her deeds
Whisper them to her, tying her stomach in knots
A confused, mysterious smile dresses her mouth
The bonfire burns behind her now
Surrounded by rowdy, drunk, town boys boasting.

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Wandering

I find a lot in what I write (not so much as I’ve posted here but the pieces I scribble down to fill the gaps between moments in my day) a reoccurring theme that shows up. Nothingness, abyss, void, something like the suspension of any notion of reality or space or time. I use it quite frequently as a dump, discarding emotions and characters to the oblivion but I also enjoy thinking about being at the brink of this unreality as well. Either boldly toying with catastrophe, standing at the brink of existence or being driven there by some force. I believe that the fascination is partly to due with brinksmanship, as I had learned was the popular strategy during the Cold War and the cultural response it elicited in American society which involved in one way or another, and quite ambiguously, both of the notions I’ve just explained. On one hand the opposing sides were seeing who could get closest to the edge as if the future of mankind was a novelty and, on the other, being pushed by political posturing and nationalist sentiment to the precipice of existence.

But unconsciously, I wonder how close we get without ever knowing it, how many times our lives have been a fraction of a second away from certain doom before being pulled back to the realm of the living by the complex and indiscriminate calculations of fate. I was thinking about this while crossing the street one night without looking, and wondering if in the instances where I had thrown caution to the wind I had been blindsided and killed and just not known it and because I didn’t know it had just gone on living as if nothing had happened. Much like the voice that sits in the back of your head encouraging you to jump off the LRT platform as the train comes rolling through, or the visions that race through your head when you’re far above ground level in a tower or skyscraper or even completely unrestrained on a roof and you envision yourself free-falling towards the ground.

And then perhaps the oblivion isn’t really an oblivion, perhaps it is just another reality we fall into much by accident. As if the moment before you hit the ground or before the highway tractor demolishes the vehicle that you foolishly pulled out into his path you’re just changed over to another someone’s life. I think it may have been Borges or Kafka or one of those lot who wrote about living every single life that has ever lived. So that through these little lapses in judgement I have been all the different people that I see or read about and at the same time, the people who see me are actually me and don’t recognize the circumstances that brought them to their particular position in the world as we know it.

Haikus

The lion roars so

Lesser beasts might know that he

Is so insecure

 

Take another pill

Escape your boring life to

False utopia

 

Start talking to me

Let me know what you’re feeling

Then I won’t listen

 

When one goes so does

The other to a brighter

Place with swimming pools

 

I don’t like my things

I used to like them, but now

I want some new things

 

Everything you want

You buy so that you’ll become

Everything you’re not

 

Someday we won’t think

That the economy can

Tell us what to think

 

Save the world today

Save trees, save fish, save air, then

Someone else wrecks it

 

My mother told me

It really wasn’t that bad

But of course, it was

 

Twinkling in my ears,

Saturating my psyche

Releasing my day

 

Not once have you called

While all day I spend here

Staring at the phone

 

Too far back a thought

Remains in my dusty soul

Awaiting a spark

 

My eyes sparkled bright

But my heart knew much better

As it turned to ice

 

It’s not all so bad

You are not really dying

It just feels that way

Vistas

Image

http://music.cbc.ca/play/artist/Pistol-George-Warren/Front-Porch

I’m patiently waiting for the day
when I will jes’ set out front
a lil shack on the patio as
some may call it, or a deck
regardless.
 
I see myself, mouth full of tobacco,
eased back in a chair, feet up,
on a makeshift table, actually,
a spool, from which come three
hunnert yards of steel cable
at one time or ‘nother,
wore out ol’ boots been
many times patched,
been many times slipped int’a
stirrup slung o’er the back
of some rank, young, green
caballo, gone snortin’ ’round
the pen.
 
On that deck, built
from rough cut lumber
and six-inch ardox spikes
and long cut tobacco,
set back in a ol’ chair
held from fallin’ ‘part by
left o’er nine wir’
in a worn pair of blue
jeans and well crafted boots
up on a makeshift table
‘longside a single shot twenny-two,
watchin’ out cross a yard,
in a very lib’ral sense of the word,
mostly bare dirt and a few
dried weeds, squared up by a
mended barb-wire fence, to a pasture
where a half-dozen horses
compete with one ‘nother
for the choice pickens, pinnin’ back
ears an’ paw’n front of the glow
of early spring sun down.
 
Soon’ll be dark and a short, stocky,
lil, red roan dog, product of countless
gen’rations of unrestrain’t breeding,
comes up from his mischief,
pushes his head up ‘gainst my palm,
smiles. All’s well with the universe
here.
 
Don’t freeze o’ernight,
gets cool but don’t freeze
no more, and green’s start’n
poke through where the ground
ain’t been blowed dry. Tin cup
beside my boots still’s got one more
swallow of luke warm coffee in’t.
 
Sun’s ’bout down now, means I
ought turn in for the night.
Little shack here, wood stove,
table, rug that the dog sleeps on.
My home here, at last.